Drumline Warms Up
Drumline
Cory Boyd
Friday, September 28, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Recovery
The most painful injuries are usually self-inflicted. This week our offense gets a chance to start over with a new QB taking the snaps. Today we just have to walk this one off and look forward to next Saturday.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Hate LSU: Friday Edition
Todays post sermon is delivered to us courtesy of the late, great and unconquerable Richard Pryor...
We are gathered here today to prepare for a battle. There is always a war going on around us, my children. The war between the source of good and the source of evil. My brothers and sisters, I am not here to tell you we must win this war. The war has already been won. The battles continue, but the outcome was decided years ago.
Our Gamecocks must battle the Tigers this Saturday. Let us turn to the Gospel. Read along with me, children. I turn to the 22nd passage of the 9th chapter in the Gospel of Steve.
"Yea, though I walk through the shadow of Death Valley, I will fear no evil, I will fear no Tigers and I will fear no drunken Cajuns: For Stephen Orr Spurrier art with me; Thy click and thy clack, they comfort me. Thou preparest a field before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou annointest my head with garnet; my koozie runneth over."
Now my brethren, all I ask of you in the face of battle is faith and trust. For the good book tells us that if you put your faith and trust in Steve Spurrier, Steve Spurrier will put faith and trust in you. He, and He alone, shall lead us up out of the depths and into the light of eternal football greatness.
Amen, children. Amen. Prepare your heart and soul for this battle. But know that the war is already won. In SOS we trust, Amen.
We are gathered here today to prepare for a battle. There is always a war going on around us, my children. The war between the source of good and the source of evil. My brothers and sisters, I am not here to tell you we must win this war. The war has already been won. The battles continue, but the outcome was decided years ago.Our Gamecocks must battle the Tigers this Saturday. Let us turn to the Gospel. Read along with me, children. I turn to the 22nd passage of the 9th chapter in the Gospel of Steve.
"Yea, though I walk through the shadow of Death Valley, I will fear no evil, I will fear no Tigers and I will fear no drunken Cajuns: For Stephen Orr Spurrier art with me; Thy click and thy clack, they comfort me. Thou preparest a field before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou annointest my head with garnet; my koozie runneth over."
Now my brethren, all I ask of you in the face of battle is faith and trust. For the good book tells us that if you put your faith and trust in Steve Spurrier, Steve Spurrier will put faith and trust in you. He, and He alone, shall lead us up out of the depths and into the light of eternal football greatness.
Amen, children. Amen. Prepare your heart and soul for this battle. But know that the war is already won. In SOS we trust, Amen.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Hate LSU: Thursday Edition
After a brief respite on Hump Day, we're back to hating LSU. Today I present you with an LSU Photogasm. Be sure to print these and distribute them wherever you might be come Saturday.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Hate LSU: Tuesday Edition
No one likes a winner. The Yankees, Jeff Gordon, Jesus. It's been proven time and again that the majority can't stand a winner. Don't be confused by South Carolina's #12 ranking in the AP Top 25 and a 3-0 record. We're not winners. Never have been.
Our greatest single season EVER was 1984. On November 17th, the Gamecocks were ready to put the finishing touches on a perfect season with games against Navy and the Cleminals from Northeast Georgia. We were 9-0, ranked #2 in the country next to Nebraska and primed for a shot at the consensus national championship after trouncing Bobby Bowden and his upstart Florida State Seminoles.
And then the chicken coop collapsed on the Gamecocks. We lost to Navy. The Naval Service Academy. We defeated the Cleminals but instead of heading to the Orange Bowl we went to the Gator Bowl and were dismissed by Oklahoma State, 21-14. 10-2 is the best we've ever done. In 114 football seasons, the best record we've had was 10-2 .
Twenty-three years later and we haven't been close to a shot at the promised land of college football immortality. We've barely scratched the surface of competing for our conference division. Do not confuse us with winners.
Louisiana State University, on the other hand, now there are some winners. Two national championships, nine SEC championships and a 670-374-47 overall record. They've been picked by many to play in the BCS National Championship Game again this season. From my point of view, there's only one team standing in their way.
Unless you're an LSU fan, a Cleminals fan or just an asshole (If you're wondering if you should count yourself twice on that list, you're probably a Clemson fan), you want to pull for the University of South Carolina Gamecocks this Saturday at 3:30 p.m. on CBS. Even "the Tiffany Network" is banking on an LSU victory in this game. They've already got a counter on their site ticking down to next week's Florida vs. LSU game. Well fuck you, Tiffany. That's a stupid name anway.
Listen people, your team deserves a shot at the national championship. I'm talking to the Buckeyes, the Sooners, the couch-burning Mountaineers of West-Fuckin'-Virginia. How 'bout you Golden Bears and Longhorns,Jersey Girls Scarlet Knights and (Ugly) Ducks? You mean to tell me the Badgers and Nittany Lions DON'T want to play for the National Championship this season? I mean, there's plenty of other bowls. You might luck out and get a Christmas Eve bowl or at least one played right between Christmas and New Years.
No. I think ya'll want a shot at the big game. But, you can't do it alone. You need someone to bring down the Tiggers of LSU. You need Steve BY-GOD Spurrier. You need the Gamecocks. You see, college football has walls. Those walls have to be defended by teams with spurs. Who's gonna play David to the Goliath that is pre-season polls? You? No. You can't put a team like LSU on your schedule. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not doing what we have to do. You want the Gamecocks on that wall, you need the Gamecocks on that wall.
Do the right thing. Do what's best for your team. Do what's best for America.
Go 'Cocks
p.s. "Moral victory" isn't in our vocabulary this weekend. You want to see what you get for moral victories?
Fried ball hair.
Our greatest single season EVER was 1984. On November 17th, the Gamecocks were ready to put the finishing touches on a perfect season with games against Navy and the Cleminals from Northeast Georgia. We were 9-0, ranked #2 in the country next to Nebraska and primed for a shot at the consensus national championship after trouncing Bobby Bowden and his upstart Florida State Seminoles.
And then the chicken coop collapsed on the Gamecocks. We lost to Navy. The Naval Service Academy. We defeated the Cleminals but instead of heading to the Orange Bowl we went to the Gator Bowl and were dismissed by Oklahoma State, 21-14. 10-2 is the best we've ever done. In 114 football seasons, the best record we've had was 10-2 .
Twenty-three years later and we haven't been close to a shot at the promised land of college football immortality. We've barely scratched the surface of competing for our conference division. Do not confuse us with winners.
Louisiana State University, on the other hand, now there are some winners. Two national championships, nine SEC championships and a 670-374-47 overall record. They've been picked by many to play in the BCS National Championship Game again this season. From my point of view, there's only one team standing in their way.
Unless you're an LSU fan, a Cleminals fan or just an asshole (If you're wondering if you should count yourself twice on that list, you're probably a Clemson fan), you want to pull for the University of South Carolina Gamecocks this Saturday at 3:30 p.m. on CBS. Even "the Tiffany Network" is banking on an LSU victory in this game. They've already got a counter on their site ticking down to next week's Florida vs. LSU game. Well fuck you, Tiffany. That's a stupid name anway.
Listen people, your team deserves a shot at the national championship. I'm talking to the Buckeyes, the Sooners, the couch-burning Mountaineers of West-Fuckin'-Virginia. How 'bout you Golden Bears and Longhorns,
No. I think ya'll want a shot at the big game. But, you can't do it alone. You need someone to bring down the Tiggers of LSU. You need Steve BY-GOD Spurrier. You need the Gamecocks. You see, college football has walls. Those walls have to be defended by teams with spurs. Who's gonna play David to the Goliath that is pre-season polls? You? No. You can't put a team like LSU on your schedule. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not doing what we have to do. You want the Gamecocks on that wall, you need the Gamecocks on that wall.
Do the right thing. Do what's best for your team. Do what's best for America.
Go 'Cocks
p.s. "Moral victory" isn't in our vocabulary this weekend. You want to see what you get for moral victories?
Fried ball hair.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Hate LSU: Monday Edition
This lovely piece, entitled "LSU Fans Smell Just Like Corn Dogs," first appeared on the Internet in 2003 and has been a staple of anti-LSU material ever since, even garnering praise from sports writer Clay Travis in his SEC road trip diary, Dixieland Delight. My advice is if you run across any LSU fans in or around Columbia this week, feel free to hold your nose or ask them why they stink. As long as we've got them outnumbered, we should be okay.
LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.
Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.
LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something better said at Internet distances.
Even now, I am afraid.I am afraid that they'll know I said it. I'll walk past an LSU fan someday, and he'll see that look in my eye that gives it away. That look that says, "gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?"
The next thing you know, I'll have flat tires on my car.
If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU fans how they smell - you know, like corn dogs.
LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue.I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, "Wow, LSU sure doe shave a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game."
It's hard. I know. It's like when you're having sex and you try to think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming.It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: "Gee, Wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like a corn dog?"; or "Is this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying to make me think it is a real person?" or "What did that giant corn dog just say?" or "Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly like corn dogs smell?" or, of course, after a silencer: "Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?"
Heck, after what I've heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. That's okay.You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them. They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But don't be obvious about it. Somehow they know you're trying not to breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. They'll likely punch you for that if they catch on to what you're doing.
If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it'll permeate your whole body, and then you'll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But don't say, "Dang, now I smell like a corn dog." They take offense to that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff.
Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get stitches or something. Just don't say it. If you do start smelling like a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay? I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up.
An odd change in their expression - indicating they smell corn dogs - might get a wrench or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that's dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as you drive on some other weekend. I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog stuff.
What puzzles me most is that I've never actually seen any of these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe there's no mystery there - maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows?Maybe there's a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there.Maybe, there's a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume. Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply - kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird.The big political issue during the city election is whether they should add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Don't comment on it though. It's not politically correct over there.
It's like a malnutrition issue or something. It's like the corn dogs are probably added to the water to prevent starvation or something.I know when you go to Baton Rouge, you're thinking: "Ahhhh. Here I am in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I'll bet the people here smell just like boiled craw fish or shrimp etoufe' or some fancy Cajun food." But just stop thinking that. That's just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn dog odor.
And don't try masking the odor with something stronger. They'll curse at you. They'll say something like: "WTF, how dare you smoke a cigar in my home," or "WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of corn dogs?" and they'll cuss out your kids too: "WTF!!! Little Mister fancy pants over here acts like he doesn't want to smell like corn dogs."
Cajuns are not like us. Don't you see that, yet? They are really sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all. I know, I know. We sniff the Bammers and the UGA Dawgs and the Ole messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don't press your luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Don't refer to Death Valley as corn dog valley either. I mean that's just wrong. Even if you've been drinking, they'll beat you up and curse out your kids.
Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction - even if you're laughing about something else. Like baseball or football,or sex or whatever. If you can't control yourself and you must laugh though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their corn dog body odor from a distance or that you're choking on it or something. They'll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus building over just one snort. So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each other.
You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams. You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this Saturday. Okay?
Get your corn dog jollies at home.
Enough with this corn dog talk. Let's play ball...
LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.
Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.
LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something better said at Internet distances.
Even now, I am afraid.I am afraid that they'll know I said it. I'll walk past an LSU fan someday, and he'll see that look in my eye that gives it away. That look that says, "gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?"
The next thing you know, I'll have flat tires on my car.
If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU fans how they smell - you know, like corn dogs.
LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue.I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, "Wow, LSU sure doe shave a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game."
It's hard. I know. It's like when you're having sex and you try to think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming.It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: "Gee, Wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like a corn dog?"; or "Is this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying to make me think it is a real person?" or "What did that giant corn dog just say?" or "Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly like corn dogs smell?" or, of course, after a silencer: "Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?"
Heck, after what I've heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. That's okay.You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them. They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But don't be obvious about it. Somehow they know you're trying not to breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. They'll likely punch you for that if they catch on to what you're doing.
If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it'll permeate your whole body, and then you'll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But don't say, "Dang, now I smell like a corn dog." They take offense to that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff.
Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get stitches or something. Just don't say it. If you do start smelling like a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay? I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up.
An odd change in their expression - indicating they smell corn dogs - might get a wrench or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that's dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as you drive on some other weekend. I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog stuff.
What puzzles me most is that I've never actually seen any of these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe there's no mystery there - maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows?Maybe there's a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there.Maybe, there's a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume. Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply - kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird.The big political issue during the city election is whether they should add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Don't comment on it though. It's not politically correct over there.
It's like a malnutrition issue or something. It's like the corn dogs are probably added to the water to prevent starvation or something.I know when you go to Baton Rouge, you're thinking: "Ahhhh. Here I am in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I'll bet the people here smell just like boiled craw fish or shrimp etoufe' or some fancy Cajun food." But just stop thinking that. That's just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn dog odor.
And don't try masking the odor with something stronger. They'll curse at you. They'll say something like: "WTF, how dare you smoke a cigar in my home," or "WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of corn dogs?" and they'll cuss out your kids too: "WTF!!! Little Mister fancy pants over here acts like he doesn't want to smell like corn dogs."
Cajuns are not like us. Don't you see that, yet? They are really sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all. I know, I know. We sniff the Bammers and the UGA Dawgs and the Ole messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don't press your luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Don't refer to Death Valley as corn dog valley either. I mean that's just wrong. Even if you've been drinking, they'll beat you up and curse out your kids.
Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction - even if you're laughing about something else. Like baseball or football,or sex or whatever. If you can't control yourself and you must laugh though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their corn dog body odor from a distance or that you're choking on it or something. They'll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus building over just one snort. So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each other.
You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams. You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this Saturday. Okay?
Get your corn dog jollies at home.
Enough with this corn dog talk. Let's play ball...
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
South Carolina vs. South Carolina: Clemson Still Loses
The point is: We’re glad USC athletics director Eric Hyman coughed up the $230,000 – if not all of the tickets the Bulldogs requested – to make this historic matchup and feel-good story a reality.Gameday Forecast for S.C. State (The State)
Well, we think it’s a feel-good story. There’s an editor at The State who has asked several times whether Steve Spurrier would run up the score on the Bulldogs, members of the Division I Football Championship Subdivision (aka The NCAA’s Really Dumb Name for the Division Formerly Known as I-AA).
Anyway, Spurrier’s response has been that his team has not been good enough to hang 70 on teams from The NCAA’s Really Dumb Name for the Division Formerly Known as I-AA.
Five straight victories. A spot in the top 20. Perhaps the biggest win in Steve Spurrier's three seasons at South Carolina.Gamecocks look to tighten up play (SportingNews.com)
Still, the Gamecocks' coach has talked about little else than his team's deficiencies heading into No. 17 South Carolina's first game with South Carolina State on Saturday.
This Saturday night, South Carolina State and South Carolina will play a football game for the ages. That's because the way you look at this game depends upon your age.S.C. State-USC matchup about more than football (The Post and Courier)
If you're young, like the group of students I talked to on campus Thursday, you no doubt see it as a big football game, a chance for the underdog Bulldogs to play the nationally ranked Gamecocks.
Few, however, understand the true significance of this first-ever meeting between the Palmetto State's flagship school and the predominantly black university just down the road.
Monday, September 10, 2007
It's About Damn Time...
Finally caught one of the bastards...
Staff Police arrest an SEC game official for unknown reasons after the game between UGA and the University of South Carolina at Sanford Stadium. UGA lost 16-12.
Photo by Trevor Frey/OnlineAthens.com
Staff Police arrest an SEC game official for unknown reasons after the game between UGA and the University of South Carolina at Sanford Stadium. UGA lost 16-12.Photo by Trevor Frey/OnlineAthens.com
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Lay down!
“(Brandon) Bennett gets the ball and we hit him!” screams Larry Munson, evoking the final moments of the 1993 USC-Georgia game in Athens. “Lay down, you guys! Lay down!” Munson implores his Bulldogs as USC quarterback Steve Taneyhill lines up his team for a final play.
Then comes this: “ ... he scores! Bennett, a great athlete, dove over the (goal) and broke our hearts with two seconds left!”
Bennett has heard it, too. A few times? A thousand? More?
“A million times,” the former USC tailback, now a middle school gym teacher, said with a laugh. “I had people mail it to my mom’s house. People e-mail it to me; I have it on my computer.
“It’s a trip.”
A trip back in time to a 23-21 USC win that, with each passing year, seems to grow bigger.
On Saturday, the Gamecocks return to Georgia’s Sanford Stadium, site of so much heartbreak in their football history.
‘Bennett … broke our hearts!’ (The State)
Saturday, September 1, 2007
The Reason For The Season
Autumn Begins In Martins Ferry, Ohio
James Wright
James Wright
In the Shreve High football stadium,
I think of Polacks nursing long beers in Tiltonsville,
And gray faces of Negroes in the blast furnace at Benwood,
And the ruptured night watchman of Wheeling Steel,
Dreaming of heroes.
All the proud fathers are ashamed to go home.
Their women cluck like starved pullets,
Dying for love.
Therefore,
Their sons grow suicidally beautiful
At the beginning of October,
And gallop terribly against each other's bodies.
(With Much Love to EDSBS.com)
Saddle up, Gamecocks. It's finally here.
This Is Next Year (Free Times)
I think of Polacks nursing long beers in Tiltonsville,
And gray faces of Negroes in the blast furnace at Benwood,
And the ruptured night watchman of Wheeling Steel,
Dreaming of heroes.
All the proud fathers are ashamed to go home.
Their women cluck like starved pullets,
Dying for love.
Therefore,
Their sons grow suicidally beautiful
At the beginning of October,
And gallop terribly against each other's bodies.
(With Much Love to EDSBS.com)
Saddle up, Gamecocks. It's finally here.
This Is Next Year (Free Times)
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