It's Knox Vegas or bust. This weekend we're looking to rebound from the Vandy loss, stay on top of the SEC East, get our second win in Neyland Stadium and end Phil Fulmer's career. No pressure, right?
Don't cry, Vols. We promise to leave your women and children alone. We just want you out of the gene pool.
Because we don't want to be the butt of every redneck, white-trash joke... From the University of Tennessee - Knoxville Graduate Program Placement Exam:
1. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
A 66 Ford Fairlane, 69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or 64 Pontiac GTO?
2. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will it take to cut the trees?
3. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
4. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
5. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic on secondary roads, what are the chances that it will strike a vehicle that has a muffler?
6. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
7. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a Country-western singer?
Healed! It's amazing what the excitement of an upcoming football game can do for your body. It's been a long three days but my body is starting to feel normal again and I've promised myself I'm going to make some dietary changes and clean up my act with regards to exercising and eliminating a few vices I've been reluctant to quit lately.
More importantly, though, I've locked down two tickets to this weekends SEC East showdown between The University of South Carolina and Eastern Tennessee State University (also known as UT-ObKnoxIous) and I'm looking forward to the trip to Knox-vegas, my first ever for a game. I've gawked at the stadium and even stopped for a bite to eat in a Knoxville Waffle House (you think South Carolina is redneck? you've never been in a Knoxville Waffle House the morning before a football game) but this will be my first time entering this enemy territory.
My road game record as a Gamecock is 4-1 and we are looking for a little of that 2005 magic come Saturday night. The last time this game was played in Knoxville, I had to watch from Iraq. This time should be much more enjoyable, especially if we can pull off another win.
And I thought last week got off to a bad start. I am just destined for a shitty October apparently. My body is experiencing some wonderful new things it has never encountered before. Ahhhh, behold the miracle that is the human body. No matter how young or how old, there's always something new. This has given me an excellent idea for a Halloween costume, but I'm not sure people would like it. You'll get all the exciting details as they develop.
Bummer. A week that starts poorly usually ends that way. Time to move upward and onward. I'm tempted to make the ride to Rocky Top this weekend but finances and school work will probably win out. I'm trying to get some things accomplished at work today and of course I'll have to hit The Coop tonight to polish off a PHIL paper. I miss my computer. On the bright side, I discovered I can cook Shrimp and Grits and not kill anyone with the final product. That is an excellent early game tailgate food, in case you've never tried it. And if I can cook it, ANYONE can cook it. Mine weren't fancy, but they hit the spot.
USF's dreams of a perfect season and Cinderella story? Deflated.
And just like that the #2 team in the country goes down for the 3rd straight week. It's lonely at the top. South Carolina is now looking at the potential for a 7-1 start, strengthening it's hold on the SEC East and Top 5 in the BCS.
Meanwhile, my inbetween football life was busy this week with three exams and a paper. I love the smell of mid-terms. It smells like desperation. We're still trying to keep that "A" average and not yet resigned to the loathsome "C" we may eventuall have to accept. The Green Booger (my Explorer) is running again, just in time for tailgate. The computer is still on the fritz but the computer library at The Coop isn't too bad. They should put a Red Bull vending machine in that place though.
Hard to believe we're already half through the semester. Even harder to believe our current fortune in football hasn't completely ruined my academics yet. If things keep up at this rate, somethings gotta give...
Fantastical visit to Buckeye Country this weekend, although I'm sure they hope I brought the high temps back home with me. My favorite thing about the trip other than seeing The Best Damn Band In All The Land perform "Script Ohio" from the twelfth row on the 30 yard line in their stadium? All the Lady Buckeyes sporting jean shorts and the jersey of their favorite player. It might not beat black and garnet cocktail dresses, but it's pretty impressive. Hats off to the Buckeyes and the state of Oohhh-Hi-oohhh for an awesome weekend.
Nothing to do but enjoy the weekend after a sweet, sweet victory over the Tame Kittens of Kentucky. Do a little recovery tonight and head out for Columbus, O-H! tomorrow morning.
Here's a good trivia question for the weekend: Who is the only person capable of stopping Clemson's RBs from rushing for 100 yards? Tommy Bowden. Go Hokies! (And Keep Up The Shitty Coaching Tommy!)
Next weekend we head to Chapel Hill for Carolina vs. Carolina. The only thing good to ever come out of North Carolina? I-77.
I haven't slept well the night before any game this season, so I'm just going to plan on staying up all night tonight. Forget waking up every hour on the hour just to see if it's dawn yet. We're pulling an all-nighter baby!
Here's tips if you need help, but ignore all the "avoid an all-nighter at all cost" nonsense. Gamecocks only sleep when they're dead! Updates to follow...
Update: 7:28 pm There's really nothing better than a big Carolina game the week after a Cleminals loss. Every local sports talk show is full of Gamecocks getting fired up, or at least trying to get as fired up as I am, and dirty Cleminal fans crying about their shitty QB, their shitty Offensive Coordinator, their TERRIBLE kicking game, their excuse-wielding head football coach or some combination of the above. It's really quite a pleasant experience.
Update: 7:58 pm New episode of South Park (Cartman discovers the joys of having Tourette's syndrome) tonight and I just locked in tickets and a hotel room for Carolina vs. Chapel Hill next weekend. This is looking to be a marvelous night. All I have left to do is get my tailgate gear in order, paint a stuffed cat I bought blue, finish a history paper, wash about 12 loads of laundry and play at least one round of NCAA 08 on the good ol' PS2.
While waiting for the new episode to drop, giggle like Butters and enjoy this clip...
"Ohhh, ohhh hoo hooo, noooooo nooo-hooo-hoooo."
Update: 8:54 pm Nice article here on Kentucky's amazing rise into the Top 10, which hopefully ends in about 24 hours. I'm sure I'll get started on this history paper at some point soon...
Update: 9:00 pm Woah! If you read the last article, this one would pretty much be the complete opposite, except for the half-nude player part...
Barnett and Winters lure players with money, food and alcohol, and later pay football players for sex. Rock Hudson, who became involved in Lexington’s gay scene while filming “Raintree County” in and around Danville in 1957, personally calls UK players at their dorm.
Update: 9:44 pm Hawaiian rolls are my new favorite kind of sushi. Type of sushi? Or do I just say "my new favorite sushi"? The sushi grammar rules are very confusing...
Update: 9:47 pm I just got a great text from one of my all-time favorite Gamecocks, Stu...
I've got gamecock bumps already. We're gonna do it Snead, I can Smelley it.
I almost squirted Hawaiian roll out of my nose. God bless you Stewbie.
Update: 10:45 pm Absolutely brilliant episode of South Park. Great start for another great season. Thank god it didn't suck like the first episode of Family Guy's new season. That was an hour I'd rather have spent getting a root canal.
Update: 11:35 pm Just saw one Stephen Achilles Garcia on SportsCenter. ESPN's lovely, lovely Erin Andrews was reporting from the Williams-Brice weight room and you could clearly see #5 hitting the weights in the background. I'm sure he was hanging around to spit game at Erin. "Wassup girl, you wanna see my dorm room or what?"
Update: 12:15 am It's officially GAME DAY people. Brace yourself. We're calling out everyone. WOOOOO!
Update: 12:49 am I guess I should settle down and finish this homework. Right after I watch this video a few more times...
Update: 1:28 am Almost done with this garbage. It occurs to me that if Madame Knight had just fallen off her damn horse into one of those rivers, I'd be able to relax and enjoy the USC-MSU game on DVR right now... or maybe if I'd done this when I was supposed to...
Update: 2:16 am Age before beauty! There's at least one Gamecock on the roster who doesn't make me feel old...
THE OLDEST GAMECOCK: Despite turning 24 years old on August 15, sixth-year senior Andy Boyd is not the oldest Gamecock on the roster. That distinction goes to walk-on linebacker Marcus Davis, who turned 28- years-old on Aug. 28. He was a 1997 graduate of Columbia’s Eau Claire High School. It is believed that Davis is the oldest Division I football player in the country this year, although he is not in the “Tim Frisby” category.
Don't cry, Vols. We promise to leave your women and children alone. We just want you out of the gene pool.
From the University of Tennessee - Knoxville Graduate Program Placement Exam:
USF's dreams of a perfect season and Cinderella story? Deflated.
Update: 10:45 pm
